Oh, a few weeks ago on a Saturday, I found myself on the phone with my middle brother, Steven. And I had just written a short story the day before about a VERY upset, confused cow. In talking with him, I found myself thinking about putting these stories together with some others I had written, and then putting them into a Kindle book. And the ideas would be all based on stories of animals.
Now, for the audience. Well...some of these would work for children--but I think it would be better if an adult (maybe Grandpa or Grandma) read them out loud, but the first story about the cow...is better for a business audience. (Sometimes when a person is called to give a speech or tell a funny story at a party, they could use one of these. Especially the story about the cow--or the story about the duck. But THAT story came to me when I was 11 years old, by way of my mother's mother, and I was her first and favorite grandson. I also wrote other stories about her and animals...including the pet woolly monkey she had in her living room. The living room with the waterfall and goldfish pond....)
So...this is for sale on Kindle (this makes #13 for me on Amazon), and here's a preview of my brother's story and one about my grandma.
Without further adieu, please welcome "The Pig's Tail and the Goat's Neck," and "The Fish with Two Tails and No Head." And yes: they're true.
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My middle brother, Steven, is two years
younger than me. And he’s known among family and friends for his enthusiasm,
laughs, and attention-sharing episodes. This is his story: of the Pig’s Tail
and the Goat’s Neck.
Steven,
who is a very diversified retired chiropractor (someone who adjusts the body
for better health) was on a date with a girlfriend. And he was filled with
knowledge and technique from his new medical degree from a fine college—and he
wanted to show off a bit. So he and his girlfriend were at a local farm in New
Jersey where they featured a petting zoo.
After
looking around after they arrived, Steven and his date stopped by a wandering
goat who seemed to be a bit out of its comfort zone. It kept stretching and
twisting its head back and forth and side-to-side. That’s all it took for
Steven to take the situation in hand—and I mean that directly.
He
grabbed the goat’s head and in one twist, performed a standard chiropractic
procedure to fix the neck muscles. Of course, it’s normally done on a person!
But—Steven had found himself his first patient, and he wanted to show his
girlfriend what he could do—and he did. Crunch!
The
goat was astonished—or perhaps relieved of the stress—or perhaps it didn’t know
what had just happened. (How do you explain chiropractic to a goat?) It didn’t
matter: it worked, and the animal walked away looking around slowly but surely
with more confidence and not doing all those twists.
But
that wasn’t enough for Steven: he had to prove his skills even more—with a pig.
And that’s when he noticed a pig’s curled tail with its backside against an
open space on a fence. So he reached over and took the pig by the tail—and
pulled.
It
squealed—loudly!--but its tail went out straight. Another adjustment!
And so Steven walked off, laughing and happy at his success, and his girlfriend
shook her head at him in behalf of the goat and the pig.
=====================================================
The Fish with Two Tails and No Head
My mother’s mother, my grandma, had a very large and expensive tropical fish collection in her home. She was one of the first homeowners in Long Island to have a large aquarium when a tropical fish craze took hold during the 1940’s.
There were up to 10
tanks going at once, each with its own kind of species, and when we visited, we
received a tour of the Fish Room. She
had scorpion fish, lion fish, sea horses, angel fish, all kinds of rainbow-colored
miniature darts, and some ferocious Oscars.
They were terrifying cannibalistic hunters, ready to eat anything
dropped in the tank, especially goldfish.
Grandma found herself one day with a fish that was never seen before:
the fish with no head and a tail at either end.
She
had walked in to look at her collection, and she stopped by each tank to
examine her treasures. One tank
held....what was this? A fish swimming
in circles...with no head?--and two tails?
One of the fish had
tried to eat its partner. They were so
closely matched in size that the victim couldn’t quite fit, and it was hard to
see where one started and the other left off.
You could say that one of them tried to bite off more than it could
chew. Grandma couldn’t separate them,
but for a few minutes, she had the strangest fish she ever could have shown us. But the Fish Room had other guests on daily
residence.
(This continues with the Boy Bird who Laid an Egg and the Bird who Barked and Meowed. They're ALSO a true story. So is everything else in this book.)
