Job skills to get hired NOW!!

 (DO pay close attention to the paragraph about "writing")

7 Key Skills You Need to Get Hired Right Now

By Jada A. Graves | U.S.News & World Report LP 

The days of hiring generalists are gone. Today, employers are seeking hires who possess particular skills, be them technical--like computer skills, for instance--or analytical--like problem solving. In some cases, these skills are specialized and specific to particular types of jobs.

Other skills are coveted across a variety of professions. According to career experts and various sources, these are the top seven skills employers are seeking in job candidates:

Project management. The Project Management Institute (PMI) recently released a forecast predicting that between 2010 and 2020, there will be 15.7 million project-management positions created globally across seven project-intensive industries: business services, construction, finance and insurance, information systems, manufacturing, oil and gas, and utilities. In the United States, demand for project-management professionals should translate to 6.2 million jobs by this decade's close.

If you're hoping to snag one of these positions, you should provide concrete evidence of your capabilities as a project manager and also obtain the proper certification. PMI reports that those with a Project Management Professional credential earn approximately 16 percent more than those without it. During the hiring process, be sure to emphasize your distinctive strengths, keeping in mind certain components of the job. Mark Langley, president and CEO of PMI, says some of those skills include schedule and budget management, strong leadership, strategic and business-management skills, plus organizational expertise.

Writing. Nearly every job description includes a line about seeking a candidate with "strong communication skills." Before you shrug it off, consider why this seemingly minimal requirement hasn't yet become a job-listing given.

Many candidates are proving to hiring managers that they lack basic writing ability by submitting grammatically tragic cover letters and poorly constructed resumes. Although it varies from manager to manager, something as innocuous as the wrong "their" could keep you out of the running for a dream position. This is particularly true if you're looking to enter a communications field.

Those entering other lines of work don't need to be Hemingway, but they do need to elevate their written communication several notches above LOLspeak. According to Sharef, one of the main reasons young job candidates haven't conquered spelling, subject-verb agreement, and proper tense is because they live in a mobile-phone culture. "We do a writing test at HireArt and that's one of the biggest ways that people fail," she says.

Also keep in mind the way you write on social networks and in other easy-to-Google forums. A sleuthing recruiter could quickly and easily stumble across your poorly worded opinions elsewhere. 

SEO, SEM, and social media savvy. The jobs marketplace HireArt (hireart.com) matches employers with the best hires through automated interviews and online tasks that exhibit an applicant's specific skills. HireArt's vetting process found that companies are seeking employees with social media know-how. But getting a job in social media is about more than following your favorite celebs on Twitter and trolling Facebook for the funniest statuses. There's strategy involved in using a social network to promote, and employers are specifically seeking those with search engine optimization and search engine marketing skills. But "it's hard to get a job [in this field] if you've never done it before," says Elli Sharef, co-founder of HireArt.

If you have no experience actually working in social media, you might be able to use a guerilla approach to prove your worth. "Employers are open to a new type of proof," Sharef says. "If you're able to generate a large following on Twitter, that's proof that you could do the same for your target company as well. If you're a candidate who wants to break into this field, the best way is to just start doing it on your own."

Proving you're flexible could also give you a leg up. "In the beginning, if you wanted to be a social media manager, you just needed to know Facebook," Sharef says. "Now you need to know Twitter, Snapchat, and more."

Lastly, job seekers in this field should turn to the Web for courses in analytics, SEO, and SEM. Free online courses may illuminate some of the rudimentary skills, but advanced seminars are also available.

Critical thinking and data analysis. One of the more abstract in-demand skills employers desire to find in candidates is the ability to assess and analyze information, then use that information to make prognoses, recommendations, and plan projects. But your approach to prove dexterity as a critical thinker is similar to how you'd discuss other "soft skills:" Relate and emphasize both professional and pertinent real-life instances where you've utilized these skills and achieved positive results.

Sales experience. A few implied skills go along with mastering the art of the sell. Being articulate to relate the qualities of the product you're selling. Practicing the patience required to wait on customers to determine that the product is something they're interested in. Having a talent for relating to a variety of people and adjusting your pitch according to their personalities. Possessing the stamina to handle the workload and the drive to meet quotas. When a young job seeker dissects "sales experience" according to these qualifiers, it might be easier for them to see some of the advantages of the profession--particularly for companies hiring today. There are other important qualities an effective salesperson must show. "It takes a gregariousness, charm, and extroversion, and on top of that you have to be very tech-savvy," Sharef says.

If you don't have as much experience as the job description outlines, don't underestimate how much your ability to effectively sell yourself could help you in an interview.

Fluency in computer languages. Common computer languages like C++ and Python will always be necessary to know, but Sharef says companies are also looking for engineers proficient in Ruby on Rails. Staying ahead of the curve on JavaScript is also imperative: "There are huge changes happening with JavaScript. For example, when you use Facebook now, the page doesn't reload the whole page every time there's an update. It just updates a small portion," she says. "It's JavaScript that provides the ability to make those AJAX [Asynchronous JavaScript and XML] changes."

These obviously aren't fake-it-until-you-make-it skill sets. Only those with the chops will even be considered for tech positions. There are minor things you could do to stay more relevant in the industry, however. Building mobile-phone applications is currently a blossoming subsector, so you should be deft with all the operating systems. "If you're an iPhone user, borrow your friend's Android phone for two days. Learn more about how they work," Sharef says.

Problem solving. According to sites like Mashable.com, the ability to identify a problem and make intelligent plans for a successful solution is another, less-quantifiable trait that employers are eager to find in job seekers today. And similar to having social media skills, this is one where previous professional experience helps, but isn't always necessary if you have relatable real-life experience that can show your metal to the hiring manager.

Casually mentioning your expertise in this arena won't do the trick. (Other than effectively showing that you don't actually have enough problem-solving skills to solve the problem of landing a job.) The best evidence would be specific and detailed examples on your resume, cover letter, and during an interview of how you've worked to overcome obstacles and achieve success.

Odysseus: the man and the myth

A good essay or research paper should have the thesis statement (the purpose of the paper) within the first two paragraphs; I normally encouraged my students to produce their thesis by the first paragraph so the reader (me) could see in what direction the paper would go.  I also offered an alternative:  use the 2nd paragraph, and use the 1st paragraph as an "introduction" to set the background.

I also insisted that the topic sentence (opening sentence idea) of each paragraph be relevant to the rest of the ideas presented, as well as a conclusion paragraph that summarizes the material presented.
I've put them in italics to show emphasis on how-what-why they are significant to the main idea of that paragraph.  As a topic, I chose the story of one man's fame and the price he paid for it:

the classic Greek myth of Odysseus (Ulysses):

Odysseus: The man and the myth

The men sat at their benches, stretching and straining their muscles to pull the oars.  The sail was still and no wind blowing—which was another ominous sign of potential danger.  Their captain stood at the bow of the small wooden ship, looking ahead for signs of land—and the possibilities of supplies and rest for his weary crew.  They had spent 10 years as fighting men on a distant shore, and now they were eager to return to their homes, their families, and safety.  Yet, each member of the crew knew that his life and safety was as much measured by the potential of a horrible death because of his captain and the incredible risks he took for fame and glory—and the cost of their lives.  Although future generations would consider the saga of these men as a made-up story, they did not know this—nor did the adventures and risks they would face be of any comfort in their minds.

    Greek myths celebrated the lives of heroes and their adventures.  In particular, the legacy of the man known as Odysseus (Ulysses), king of Ithaca, has become one of the most famous.  The tragedies and victories that came to him were a direct response of two factors:  his clever, cunning wit, and his proud, arrogant boasting.  Odysseus endured many hardships that brought death to his comrades, sorrow to his home, and misery to his life.  However, his life story, surviving by luck in some instances and with the help of the gods in others, has become a classic of endurance and patience.  In return for his actions, Odysseus was tormented by 10 additional years of wandering, facing death and grief from monsters, enchanting sorceresses and goddesses, and a stormy raging ocean.

    Odysseus’s crafty mind and quick thinking were both an asset and a penalty that he paid through his actions.  The theft of Menelaus’s wife, Helen, by the Trojan prince, Paris, brought together the ships and men that had pledged loyalty to each other, including Odysseus's status as King of Ithaca.  Reluctant to leave his newborn son, Telemachus, and his loving wife, Penelope, Odysseus faked madness in order to remain home, pretending to plow the seashore and sew salt as seeds for crops.  However, his trick was revealed, and he was forced to join the others.  At Troy, the two armies fought for 10 years with much bloodshed without either side showing victory.  Odysseus’s plan to leave a huge wooden horse as a token of withdrawal was the deciding factor.  The Trojans brought the gift inside their city walls, and while the inhabitants slept, Greek soldiers slipped out from a hidden compartment and opened the gates to their waiting comrades.  The destruction of Troy burned for days, and Odysseus was recognized as a victorious military planner.   However, his glory was soon to be lost on the open seas as the ships set sail for their Greek homelands.  During the destruction of the city, Odysseus had destroyed a sacred temple of Poseidon, god of the sea.  From the words of a priestess, the warning curse was issued that the crime would not be forgotten. 

    His foolish bravery nearly cost him his life at the hands (and appetite) of the Cyclops Polyphemus, who kept Odysseus and his party of men hostage in a cave.  Once again, Odysseus's need to display his wit and intelligence would be a costly gesture.  Caught in the act of stealing the giant’s flock of sheep and foods, Odysseus boldly assumed that the name of Zeus would be his protection.  Instead, he saw his men torn apart and eaten raw, and was assured that he would share their fate.  By luck, the Greeks were able to lure the Cyclops into a drunken sleep by filling him with wine—a new tasty treat.  Odysseus put his wits to work, and his men used a sharpened pole to blind the monster.  They managed to escape by hanging on beneath the bellies of the sheep flock when the Cyclops reluctantly let the animals out to graze.  However, Odysseus was not content to immediately flee: he took time from the safety of his ship to taunt the blind Cyclops by revealing his real name, only to have the giant heave huge boulders from a cliff above and barely miss crushing the surviving sailors.  Polyphemus’s agony was heard by his father, Poseidon, who would ensure that his son’s tormentor did not see home for years to come. 

    The Greeks then landed on another island, inhabited by a sorceress-goddess named Circe, famous for turning men into animals.  The crew was turned into pigs, but the messenger god, Hermes, saved Odysseus.  Bewitched by the comforts and pleasures of Circe, Odysseus and his men lost another year away from their families.  Although he was warned by her of other dangers, his men would not obey his commands and unleashed a bag containing the Four Winds, thereby blowing them off course while they were within sight of Ithaca.  Perhaps Odysseus was too well known for his tricks, or perhaps his sailors thought he was hiding another secret from them as he had the Trojans.

    Odysseus also risked his life several times by challenging and confronting supernatural beings.  First, he allowed himself to hear the song of the Sirens, who were known for calling men to their death on the rocks that framed their island.  Although he was safely tied and unable to move, the message that he heard whispered were the thoughts and messages from his wife and son, and the words nearly drove him insane with grief.  He further endangered his ship and men by being forced to chose between two hideous monsters, the six deadly heads of Scylla or the whirlpool of Charybdis.  He also traveled to the land of the Dead in the Underworld, seeing his fallen friends and mother, who told him how he had caused her death when the years had slipped by and he had not returned. 

    Temptation was always a problem for Ulysses, as well as his family.  Although he found himself in the arms of beautiful women, his wife remained loyal to him, even as suitors laid claim to his property and kingship.  His son was forced to endure the taunts of older, stronger men who insisted that the missing Odysseus was dead, and Queen Penelope herself turned to trickery to gain time in hopes that her missing, lost husband would return.  Her efforts were in vain when a servant girl revealed how Penelope unraveled a tapestry each night that she was weaving.  When Odysseus finally did reach his home, he found himself hiding as a beggar, unable to reveal himself until he could believe that his wife’s heart was still honest and true.  It was perhaps more a reflection of his character than hers. 

But the story of the unfortunate wandering Greek hero did have a happy ending:  Odysseus drove out the rival suitors, Penelope proved herself faithful, and Telemachus finally met the father he had not known.  It still should be recognized that for all his sharp ways and clever thoughts, the brave Odysseus was unable to find his way home with his sailors until they had lost their lives and he had spent 20 years of his own.  His name lives on as a symbol of arrogance, loss, and sacrifice in the face of vanity, risk, and pride.

(c) MDLOP8 1997

A master of disguise: the octopus has a thousand-plus options

 Mr. Now-I-See-You, Now-I...wait, what?

https://www.sciencenews.org/article/octopus-squid-rna-editing-dna-cephalopods

Blue, hairy, and scary!

 

The blue hairy frogfish, scientifically known as Antennarius striatus, is an intriguing species renowned for its remarkable appearance and unique behaviors. Characterized by its distinctive, hair-like skin filaments, the blue hairy frogfish boasts a variety of colors, including blue, yellow, brown, and green. This remarkable coloration, coupled with its textured skin, allows it to blend seamlessly into its environment, making it a master of camouflage.

Typically inhabiting tropical and subtropical waters, blue hairy frogfish are often found on coral reefs or amidst rubble and debris on the ocean floor. Their hunting strategy is as fascinating as their appearance. As ambush predators, they use a specialized lure called an esca, which mimics the appearance and movement of small prey like worms or shrimp. This deceptive lure attracts unsuspecting prey, which the frogfish then quickly engulf with its large, extendable mouth.

Unlike most fish, frogfish are not adept swimmers. Instead, they "walk" along the ocean floor using their pectoral fins, which function much like legs. This unique mode of locomotion, combined with their ability to change color to match their surroundings, makes them nearly invisible to both predators and prey. The blue hairy frogfish is a perfect example of nature's ingenuity, showcasing an extraordinary blend of adaptation and survival strategies.

Landfill harmonic - Inspiration, Motivation, and Music from trash

"Animalia" alphabet Word Search for children and adults!

A memory of graduate school: a fellow student brings in books for us, puts us in pairs (small class, of course!) and asks us to do a timed participation lesson in word recognition--with pictures--in a contest with the others. The book was called "Animalia." The professor almost had to stand on her chair and yell for us to stop--because we were SO enthusiastic. It was funny to see ourselves turning back into eight-year-olds and saying things like "Cheater!" and trying to scoop up answers from comments made out loud.

I have done this with elementary, middle, and high school students--and they all loved it. I've also given away dozens of this book--and it is available on Amazon.com for as little as one cent plus $3.99 s/h. 

Note: there is NO answer key included in the book, but you can look it up online--or ask me for a copy of the file. And EVERYTHING on each page corresponds to the featured letter of the alphabet. (Plus, there's a secret image of the author himself as a little boy.)
Happy searching!! And here's the letter "C" for all you crafty cats!

"Manna from Heaven" - a (true--sort of--one-act play about...bread and grifting)

 

And now, something truly amazing; something truly spectacular. Ladies and gentlemen, young and old, come forward and let me introduce you to one of the modern miracles of our time: a product so amazing that you can't believe how simple and how effective it is; that youth, vitality, mobility, and liberation are yours to have, protect, and keep for yourself, all in a neat and modest little package. Allow me the privilege of introducing to you the most fascinating gift that mankind has been offered in centuries:

the new manna from Heaven!

Yes, this is a true story. I saw it happen before my own eyes. An elderly woman in a supermarket walked away from her tripod walking device, and in doing so, she carried under her arm like a football (rugby, Australian rules, if you wish, but American style will do) a loaf of bread!  

Naturally, I was intrigued by this manifestation of miraculous healing, and sought out the reason for its origin. To my surprise and delight, I found that this grandmotherly type had simply overlooked the fact that she was no longer using her cane-device, but had instead been able to perambulate with the comfort and aid of the loaf of bread as a stabilizing assistant to her locomotion. When I showed her the cane and pointed out the disparity between her choices, she insisted that I return the original and take away the latter--to which I refused, declaring that she should accept the replacement and embrace its healing abilities.

Of course, she did not readily accept my counsel, and made repeated and vociferous efforts to claim back the now-outdated tool--and I kept it from her as a means to bring attention to the success of the alternative. To my eventual dismay and subsequent horror of my (ex)-wife, it took a kick in the shins for me to return the old woman to the tragedy of her judgment.  

But so! in my earnest ways, I sought a means to provide the common populace with the knowledge that she had overlooked, and thus, may I present for your edification and higher learning, the virtues from which you may gain insight about this matter.

MANNA  FROM  HEAVEN - A one-act play

 Cast of Characters

 The “Doctor” - A “cures-all-that-ails you” snake-oil salesman/con artist.

A grifter from the Old South, the honorable Buford E. Puckett.

 The Old Woman - Elderly woman with a dowager’s hump, uses a cane to move around, out shopping for groceries.

“Doctor’s assistant” - Young woman, “Miss Alice.”

 Various townspeople who give donations to the “preacher-doctor” as he speaks.

 Assorted townspeople who become customers, including a young boy who threatens to disrupt the “doctor’s” sales presentation.

 Scene

 Town Courthouse for rural community in the Farm Belt, @ 1880’s

 Time

 Late afternoon; a hot summer day

 Setting:  

A large gathering of townspeople has come to hear the “doctor” speak at the local courthouse.

At Rise:  

It is late in the afternoon on a hot summer day.  The “doctor” is standing behind a table at center stage.  A ballot box, with a slot on top, has been placed in the middle of the table.  As the “doctor” speaks, people come forward from the gathering crowd and drop envelopes stuffed with money into the box.  The “doctor” is approximately 50 years old, with a curled wax mustache and gray streaks in his hair.  Two tables are set on the wings of the stage: one is full of canned goods and preserved meats, and the other is stacked with loaves of bread.  The “doctor” is pleased to see the audience of townspeople, and he speaks with great enthusiasm and deliberate zest.

 “Doctor”

          Ladies and gentlemen, my good neighbors in the community of man and womankind, generous patrons of social development and higher institutions of literacy, education and civilization, welcome one and all.  Allow me to humbly introduce myself:  The Reverend Dr. Buford Elijah Puckett, of the Charleston Puckett’s, at your service and conduct as a mere vessel of presentation, doing the work of our exalted Creator in Heaven.  May I express the wellspring of gratitude that draws up from my beating heart to see your earnestness and overwhelming desire.  It makes my soul feel good to know that your lives are now so much more special in the eyes of our Lord, to have brought you here on this warm summer day, to hear my message and the rewards of life that He has instructed me to provide to you!

          I once witnessed the healing of a person with an affliction, and the mighty work that manifested this miracle is the reason that I stand before you today.  Yes, may I say that it nearly brought tears of joy to my eyes to see this blessed event, praise the heavens for letting me be a vehicle of testimony in these rugged times of disbelief and doubt.  Dare I say, that this wondrous event was enacted before me, without so much as my raising my hands to chase away the unclean embrace of Old Scratch, the Devil himself?!  Indeed, I stand ready to rush forward at a moment’s notice, to wrestle against the works of sin and hardened cruelty, with the tools of hard work and honest living as my shield and sword.  I was given the realization that in all walks of life, blessed treasures are offered to those who are aware of the proper calling and follow it.

(He turns and points grandly

 with a sweeping gesture of his

arm towards the ballot box, as people in the

crowd push forward to drop in their envelopes)

 

          I swear by the generous offerings and donations that are filling this box...that the glory and power is in all of us to bring our message, and that the joy and true measure of your faith is credited by the gifts you are bringing forward.  I must share with you the uplifting of inspiration and value for the sincere and pure embrace with which you good people show for a warrior of the Lord, who is in service of your needs.  (He points to various members of the crowd)

          Let me assure you that you, yes, you sir, and you, madam, even you there sir; you too can be healed of your pains, your aches and torment and woes, the sorrows from the physical burdens that ail and afflict you, as the weary hand of Father Time rests upon your shoulder.  And all you need to do...

(He pauses and smiles gently as a man wearing overalls and a battered straw hat climbs up and drops an envelope in the box, and shakes PUCKETT’s hand generously, then exits)

 

...thank you, my good fellow, that’s very noble of you, sir!  How thoughtful and kind you are, indeed!...all you need to do, is hear my message and let your conscience assist you.  I have been instructed to bring to the flock of children that our Lord calls His own, a personal offer of a timely gift of the same wonderful treasure from Heaven that took the burden of discomfort from a lady in need.  A lady such as this kind and gentle dear sweet soul coming up to me now.

(He turns and gestures a welcome to an OLD WOMAN shuffling in from side stage to greet him with an envelope in her hand.

She drops it in the box and smiles at him, and he puts his arm around her shoulder and presents her to the crowd)

          Look at her, ladies and gentlemen, isn’t she a dear?  Thank you, ma’am, for your sacrifice and timely donation, the envelope box is just the right size for so simple an offering as you have provided, and I assure you as the Lord looks down, He values your kindness most generously, as do I!  And yea! Let me give my word as truth, that if my eyes had not known otherwise, I would have sworn that this was the same woman...no, I must be mistaken, madam, you are too spry in appearance, forgive my error...whom I had the wonder, the blessed honor, to see healed yesterday.

(The OLD WOMAN slowly exits)

          Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I was in your spacious and well-stocked marketplace the other day, purchasing some needed supplies to present to a local charitable orphanage.  I was escorted by a charming and vivacious member of the Ladies Quilting and Sewing Auxiliary Group, and may I add that your selections of available provisions are well maintained; my compliments to your productivity! 

(A SECOND OLD WOMAN, bent over with a stooped back, has entered from the side stage, using a tripod cane.  She stops at the table piled with bread and tucks it under her arm, and starts to shuffle slowly across the stage in front of PUCKETT.  She has forgotten her cane, which is standing on its tripod setting by the table.

PUCKETT ignores this oversight)

          We had just the briefest moment to greet your kind and gracious mayor, who happened to be personally arranging a private dinner in my behalf, when I came upon the most puzzling and perplexing set of circumstances I have seen since my early days in the seminary in New Hampshire.  To my surprise and total disbelief, I found an abandoned walking cane, alone and without an owner.

(He turns and picks up the walking cane that the OLD WOMAN has forgotten, and waves it at the audience)

          Now I ask you good people:  What would possess anyone with such a need for as valuable and priceless an instrument, to simply neglect it?  I personally took time from my varied and busied schedule, just before my train arrived at your lovely town...

(He stops and pulls a folded piece of paper from his vest pocket and examines it at arm’s length.  He nods accordingly, and puts it back)

...the time to review the lengthy, well-documented price structure that I had telegraphed from Philadelphia for such a tool of mobility as this cane.  Ladies and gentlemen, may I speak from the depths of my being when I declare that I was astonished, no, I was overwhelmed, to find that the purchase fee of this walking cane, complete with rubber molded support and ornately carved mahogany wood handle with gold inlay, cost as much as the extraordinary cash amount of what I send on a weekly basis, to support the poor missionaries at work in the tropical rainforests of New Guinea, as they work with the deprived villagers?!  Yes, may I be struck down if I speak falsely:  that exquisite piece of artistry and workmanship, designed to free an afflicted soul from the ravages of time and arthritis, that very precious abandoned cane, was worth fifty fair and solid American dollars.  And to think that someone like this feeble old woman, lost in her very moment of needing to provide herself with nourishment and sustenance, had the temerity, the neglect, the unknowing loss of such valuable merchandise for a vital means of transportation at this pressing time in her life!

          Well, let me say this:  I never fail to return after an extensive, exhaustive search for a proper owner, any item, large or small, no matter, that has wandered lost and abandoned before my path.  Why the other day, I observed a man leaving town in the city of New Orleans by horse and buggy, and in his errant ways, he had overlooked a small satchel amongst his belongings.  Of course, his manner of departure was at such a pace that he had set off and was beyond my ability to call and stop him.  I naturally retrieved this satchel and upon examining its contents, found that he had misplaced several thousand dollars in oil well stock certificates, as well as the property rights to a mineral spring.  I immediately hired a swift horse and rode after this man to the outskirts of town.  My dear friends, can you imagine the look of horror and disbelief that crossed his face, when I caught up to him and showed him what he had nearly lost?  Of course, after much insistence upon his part, I reluctantly accepted a considerable donation for a home for young-mothers-to-be, who are in a most delicate condition without the companionship of a husband.  But I tarry in my story...

(A YOUNG WOMAN, obviously his assistant, enters from side stage and places a pitcher and glass in front of him. The young men of the

town look at her as she moves.  PUCKETT smiles at her, pats her hand, and presents her to the crowd)

          Ah, thank you, my dear.  May I present my dear niece and assistant, my late brother’s daughter, Miss Alice, for whom I am sole surviving relative and guardian.  She has provided me with some delicious lemonade.  How fine it is to have a cool throat and warm words of inspiration to share at the same time!  Now, as for the errant, neglected walking cane!  I immediately tucked it thusly under my arm, and set out in search of the proper owner.

(He puts the cane under his arm, and becomes aware of the OLD WOMAN carrying the loaf of bread, moving along as she examines the other table. He points her out to the audience)

          And lo:  in a manner to which I did not expect to see so quickly, did I find that person!  But may I bear witness, my friends, that this gentle and sweet woman, when I found her, had the ability, the very lightness of her feet, I say she had the vitality, to walk without her cane, because she was healed!  And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I am here tonight: to bring this heralded message to you.  This paragon of the golden years of life could walk effortlessly, by simply cradling in her arm, a mere loaf of bread.

          Now, I would not ask your minds to ponder the miracle that I beheld.  The good Lord works in many strange and wondrous ways, we have all seen and heard, but few have been given the glory and honor to witness.  I give thanks as a man of honor and duty to you, my brethren, that I have seen the beauty of the work of our Creator in this cherished and glorious manner.  That I was privileged to see the miracle of healing before me, and in so simple a way, my friends, brought tears of joy and thankfulness to my eyes!

(He wipes his face with a handkerchief and looks upward with a smile, and then turns back to the audience)

I dared edge close, and gently took this dear blessed woman by the arm, so as not to disturb the miracle of her recovery.

(He does so and addresses her in a polite manner)

My dear lady, may I ask for the briefest moment of your time?  I have to ask:  would this exquisite implement of mobility be rightfully claimed by your ownership?

(The OLD WOMAN has a startled look on her face.  PUCKETT is obviously holding her walking cane, and she realizes that she has been moving

without it. His unexpected presence and question have taken her by surprise. PUCKETT turns back to the crowd, and his voice and gestures swell with fervor)

          Ladies and gentlemen, I cannot tell you the look of surprise, of sheer thankfulness that crossed her brow!  I begged her forgiveness for making her heart flutter so; I know that a matron of such advanced years needs no hastening to bring her to that blessed moment when we make peace with our Maker and stand before the judgment and glory that is ours in Heaven.  I braced myself to assist her unsteady hands to revive her if necessary, awaiting the usual much-needed bottle of smelling salts that she had hopefully tucked away in her handbag.

(The OLD WOMAN has recovered from his speech and the sight of him holding her cane, and replies in a creaky, scratchy voice)

 

My good man, my cane!  My priceless Malacca wood-and-gold cane!  It has been an heirloom in my family from my dear great-great aunt in England!  Oh my, what are you doing with my cane?

(PUCKETT ignores her remarks and gestures, and replies instead to the audience)

I cannot hide from you kind people the fact that I beamed with joy at the thought of returning so swiftly upon my first effort, this piece of art to its proper owner.  But no, that is just the beginning!  For the miracle that has lightened my load, the crowning glory of my endeavors to bring light to the hidden and dark corners of life was fulfilled when she said...

(PUCKETT turns and gestures to the OLD WOMAN, as if on cue, and SHE replies in a quivering voice)

Oh my, sir, I CAN’T WALK WITHOUT MY CANE!!

(SHE reaches out for it and PUCKETT brushes her hand aside.  HE addresses the crowd)

          Did I hear proper?  Oh, the humility at first that I felt, that the mere return of her valued antique was not her first concern, as I so foolishly believed.  But how rewarding, how honored were the deepest wells of thanks from my heart, as I realized that I had witnessed a greater miracle than I had ever dreamed:  she was indeed walking without this cane!  And the treasured moment of reality was mine when I knew that a simple loaf of bread, a small piece of a baker’s hard toil and effort, had brought this miracle into being!

(HE turns and speaks to the OLD WOMAN)

          Madam, let me be the first to recognize that you are indeed cured of your ailment, and give the thanks and praise to your Creator.  This worthless piece of wood and metal can now be cast aside as an example of how the hand of the Lord can reach down and touch us all!  You are a living testimony to the power and majesty of divine will!  By so simple an act as carrying a loaf of bread, you have cast aside your obstacles and bear the word of the good news of faith and believing!

(The OLD WOMAN is pulling at PUCKETT’s coat sleeve, reaching for her cane.  SHE answers him in a tormented, pleading voice)

But Sir--I need my cane!  I CAN’T WALK WITHOUT IT!!

(SHE is clawing desperately at his arm, but his size and strength, along with her age, make her attempts seem feeble. HE continues to hold the cane aloft in his hand, and waves it at the audience, ignoring her)

          Ah, my friends, how simple the mind can be, if we forget all that the Lord can do.  He can reach down and touch us in so many ways!  Was it all in vain, that this lost child, who had been sadly afflicted by a stooped shoulder and bent knee, could forget that she had been transformed into a vital source of dynamic inspiration and determination, by forging a free and unencumbered manner of movement?  No, I could not let this pearl of opportunity pass thusly by my hands.

(HE turns and speaks to the OLD WOMAN in a reproachful, scolding manner)

No, madam, you are sadly mistaken.  But take heart, there is a far greater reason to cherish this day!  You are healed; yea, I say, you are cured from your prison of propulsion.  Let wings grown on your heels and fly--you can walk, and without the chain and shackle of this wretched stick!

(The OLD WOMAN continues to struggle for her cane, but now SHE is aware of the loaf of bread in her arm, and is trying to keep her balance and not drop it as she continues to grab for her cane.  PUCKETT continues to ignore her

efforts and turns to the audience)

          How blind we are, my good people, to the very door that opens before us.  What more could I say?  But no, I would not give this burden of freedom back to the hands of the Grim Reaper, to hold this daughter captive!  And yet...she reached out in valiant despair and disbelief to wrestle from my hands, this gnarled and twisted piece of ill-constructed wood.  What tragic human error that I had to bear witness to, in my moment of heralding a personal triumph unclaimed!

(PUCKETT turns to speak to the OLD WOMAN)

          Madam, please, can you not take a closer look at the part you are playing to in the world, at this vital fragment of existence in history?  Your piteous tones are breaking the depths of my heart with your blatant ignorance!  A lesser man or woman would be weeping, but you have climbed above the pain and suffering of the fragility of your condition!  You have been given the chance to run barefoot through fields of clover, you can share a grandchild’s first steps, you can dance in slippers of finest silk, whenever you wish.  You are freed from your impairment!  Rejoice, and relinquish the futile grip you have fastened upon this wretched and useless remnant of a tree branch!

(The OLD WOMAN wails in a tortured voice as she struggles to reach her cane)

Please, Sir!  My cane!  MY CANE!!

(PUCKETT turns to face the crowd, slowly shaking his head in disbelief at her words)

          My friends, I must confess that her desperate ways convinced me of her reluctance, and I hide my face in shame to admit that her furrowed, wrinkled face was lined with relief when I handed back to her the object of her desire.  I could no longer hold back her overpowering fear, and with an inner sigh of remorse, returned back to her the cane.  I would rather have bent it into a twisted horseshoe with my bare hands, rather than see it trick her into the falsehood of dependency.  Would it be any easier to say that she thanked me with a token of appreciation, with a stipend of gratuity to further my cause?...no, she snatched it away like an eagle plucking the flesh from its prey.

(The OLD WOMAN grabs the cane angrily from

him, and slowly exits to the side stage.  She is still carrying the loaf of bread under her arm, but she is not using  the cane.  Instead, she is holding it in the air, shaking it vigorously, accenting her anger. She appears to be bitterly talking to herself.  PUCKETT watches her shuffle away and then faces the audience and beams at them)

And then she turned away...and her muffled feet made a sound that I still hear in my deepest sleep, reminding me of the lack of trust, of comfort, of honesty, in the true message of one such as I, a man who devotes his life for the glory and power of our Creator, and asking only for the most meager support along the way.

(A MAN climbs up from the audience and drops a thick envelope in the box.  HE shakes PUCKETT’s hand, and exits to the side. 

PUCKETT waves at the man as he leaves)

          Yes, sir, thank you kindly, you are a noble soul to know that your charity fuels my zeal, and your name will be remembered in Heaven for your deed.  But...let me assure you that in my dark moment, the Evil One, Satan himself had tried to cast doubt before me.  But, there still shone that faint ray of hope that proved that righteousness and good works carry the day!  Behold, ladies and gentlemen, I have gone the extra mile for you, I have searched the corners of this great country and sat before the very supplier of this source of inspiration.  I have found the baker and secured from him, his exclusive recipe for his divine creation.  I have behind me, waiting for your demand and in limited quantity, the same loaf of bread that I witnessed the dear woman carry with her.  Yes, I have sallied forth, to provide for you at a cost so small that you would never think it possible, an opportunity to relieve yourselves of the pains, the woes, the aches and soreness, the yearning for life and vitality of younger days.  Bring to your thoughts the memories of children at play or a colt prancing in the field, for now we can have for ourselves, the same gift of life that this woman cast aside so rudely.  Ladies and gentlemen, I say to you:  YOU CAN PURCHASE FOR  YOURSELF YOUR OWN LOAF OF THIS SPECIAL BREAD!!

(MISS ALICE, PUCKETT’s assistant, enters from side stage, carrying several loafs of bread on a silver tray.  She stacks them on the table next to the donation box.  PUCKETT nods to her,

and she gestures the availability of the bread to the audience with a wave of her hand)

(The crowd presses forward and gathers around the table.  An ELDERLY WOMAN pushes forward, with a YOUNG BOY in tow.  He is squirming

to break free of her grasp so he can get a closer look at the bread. Eager people wave money at both PUCKETT and MISS ALICE. PUCKETT hands over the bread to his “customers” with a flourish, and continues to answer questions)

          Why, thank you, sir, I shall have my lovely assistant and niece, Miss Alice, provide you with the proper change for your $20 gold piece in a brief moment, the line does grow longer, you know!  And you are quite right, madam, a simple five dollars is much too kind a price for so valuable and powerful a blessing as this. But I must think of my poor colleagues in the steaming jungles of New Guinea who count on my support, as well as the hard-pressed young ladies who are with child in the home I am building for them in New Orleans.  Come again, sir?  Well, I accept your offer to decline reimbursement of your change, you are wise beyond measure.  No, ma’am, I believe that you are quite right to purchase a loaf for your dear mother in San Francisco, and I am confident that it will retain its resilience as you travel by train.  Oh, perhaps a dozen more for your aunts and uncles?  They must be blessed to have such a family member as yourself.

(YOUNG BOY edges closer to PUCKETT, and reaches out to touch the bread on the table.  PUCKETT makes a threatening gesture, as if to cuff the boy on the ear)

 

Get away, kid, you’re in the way of my customers!  You’re going to get a tanning, I’m warning you!...here!  Take this nickel and scram!

(PUCKETT reaches into his pocket and hands the boy a coin.  The BOY stuffs it into his pocket and breaks free of the ELDERLY WOMAN’s grasp, and scampers off the stage.  PUCKETT glares at him and says under his breath)

More than you’ll ever earn in an honest day’s work, I’ll warrant that!

(PUCKETT turns back to help the ELDERLY WOMAN) 
          Ah, yes, madam, I was about to ask my assistant to escort the lad to a safer place, apart from this crowd.  Your grandson, you say?  I was quite worried for his well-being, you know.  All the pushing and pressing can be dangerous to a little one.  I beg your pardon, I did not notice you had a hearing device.  A miracle of science, is it not?  And how lucky you are to own your own miracle:  our gift of this bread.  Thank you!

(Crowd thins out as the loaves of bread are bought.  PUCKETT and MISS ALICE are left alone, and PUCKETT empties the ballot box

and donations into a sack.  His pockets are bulging with money.

The OLD WOMAN who had lost her cane now joins them. SHE is standing up straight now, with no curve to her back, and she brandishes the cane over PUCKETT’S head.

You fool, get a move on things, we have to catch that train!  I thought you would knock me over with those grand gestures of yours!  If your father hadn’t taught you so many danged high-strung manners, we could have been gone hours ago!  A fine thing you are, hobnobbing with the mayor!  At least your sister can handle herself (she motions towards Alice) with these country bumpkins.  Well, how’d we do?

(PUCKETT nods his head eagerly)

We did real well, Ma, I’ll bet we made a thousand dollars and gold, too.  This is the best racket that Pa could have invented. 

(HE stops for a moment to look up in a far-way glance toward the sky)

You know what I heard, Ma?  There’s a fellow in Michigan named Kellogg, who says that eating corn flakes for breakfast is the best thing for body and soul.  I think we should pay him a visit and introduce him to our little package here.  It builds strong bodies too.  We’ll tell him it’s called....“Wonder Bread.” 

THE END
(C) MDLOP8 1992