Well, here's a reminder: it's not Mary, even if she does drink like a fish.
Oh. That reminds me--it's not sturgeon either, although you could become a sturgeon if you get good grades in college and get accepted to medical school. You might actually learn something on this blog about college--or maybe even about grades.
You could do me the honor of a comment about how this blog is doing. No swordfish, please. Mary said so. At least SHE cares--as soon as I find out the new password.
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With that introduction being done, it's time for the conclusion.
Make a note: this is MY voice. Well, it's my fingers. That guy in the mortar-and-tassel hat borrowed them--and had me type this. It wasn't my idea--it was his. He just kept stirring around in my head and saying things like "I'll wait until one of us is good and ready. I've never been good. But I was always ready." I agree, Groucho.
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"So--you're back again? Well, there's a price to pay this time.
With that introduction being done, it's time for the conclusion.
Make a note: this is MY voice. Well, it's my fingers. That guy in the mortar-and-tassel hat borrowed them--and had me type this. It wasn't my idea--it was his. He just kept stirring around in my head and saying things like "I'll wait until one of us is good and ready. I've never been good. But I was always ready." I agree, Groucho.
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"So--you're back again? Well, there's a price to pay this time.
No, not that--you're thinking about tuition. Well, it's time you use your tuition--or maybe your intuition--and drop me a line. Or drop me a comment and a line. Or just drop me altogether. I'd drop you if I was holding you in my arms--especially if you're one of the guys. If you were one of the girls, I'd think twice. If you were one of the guys, I wouldn't even think. But that's neither here nor there.
"Speaking of here and there, I'm here and you're not--so wherever you are, how about letting me know what you think of this site? That is, if you can--think, that is. Are you learning about the whys, ways, and means of the world? How about the Ways and Means Committee--are they learning anything? I meant the Congress.
"Even so: be a fair sport and send me a comment. I used to play sports: I played the horses, but I quit because they beat me too many times. No matter how fast I ran, they were faster. Send me some money if you have some: I've heard all about student loans--and I could use a few dollars. Open up and don't bother to knock, because you're in places with long syllables and a lot of vowels. Send me a few syllables along with a few dollars if you're inclined. And if you're in a decline, then I'll wait--you must be from somewhere in the Southern Hemisphere. Everything is upside down, they say, from one hemisphere to the other.
"But don't wait: the school year ends faster than you think. They say it's going faster than ever, but you can't tell me that, especially when my students would say they needed more time to turn in their assignments. At least they didn't turn on me. Well, maybe they did: they turned and ran. But some of them ran toward me--I can't imagine why, because it wasn't for the money I had in my pockets. Being a teacher, I was hoping they had some money in their pockets. They picked my pockets in graduate school. And that's why I became a professor. It's the only way to get an education. And boy--have I learned a lot! I may end up on a lot--with used cars. And that's why you need an education: to learn about getting used like a car.
"Trust me. You can learn a lot in a place like this from me. And maybe you'll learn about cars--or education. They go hand-in-hand. I took my girl's hand and led her to my car--and boy, did I get an education."
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(In fact, writing that was an education from the maestro himself; and let me tell you it sure was wild to find myself as a medium-in-writing-assistance mode with Groucho. Mark Twain and O. Henry have also borrowed me in similar ways, and of course, Oscar W. You might say I led a real Wilde time in a past life. And I'm completely Earnest about that.)
