I thought about it: she needs a thesis--and replied, "It's worth $20/gram. That's $25,000 for five pounds. You must report it if found in the U.S. or Australia. And it's sperm whale digestive garbage--or ambergris." Twenty-seven words.
She replied, "How much? Where? It's what? Ewww--but that works! Thank you."
(I wanted to tell her she wears it--but she would have hung up on me. That is, she would have--unless she knew it's used in fine perfume. Oh well.)